2022: On Unicorn Dreams

May this New Year bring you God's Desires for your life and then some.

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Welcome to the start of something new - a year where you get to choose again. A time period in your life where you get to decide what goes, what stays, what you let in, what you block out, who you are, what you share, where you go, what you do, and who you become. Whenever my mother counsels married couples, she uses the analogy of pulling out an empty suitcase to pack for a journey. You decide what goes into the suitcase, and what doesn’t. Whatever you put in, you’re going to need to deal with. So, take your time, think properly, feel properly, and then consciously decide what goes into that suitcase. 

For me, the new year starts in September. Each year, I treat my birthday as my time of reflection, my new beginning, and the start of my next level. This means that I’m already at the end of Q1, and getting ready to enter into Q2 - a reminder that while we exist as a collective, our clocks are not the same. As a friend reminded me earlier today, there are synchronicities in our time, but we are all experiencing different times and seasons. I think that more than calendar dates, it’s important to be clear on what season you’re in. What part of your life are you experiencing, and what do you need to do or not do in this particular period. How is this period in your life going to impact the rest of your life? These are things to think about even as you map out your goals. 

Today’s letter will read more like a memoir of some sort, I’d like to share (in no particular order), some moments - happy, and otherwise that occurred in my life, how I felt, and how I navigated each one. You might not be able to read it in one seating, It’s okay to read it in bits over the week. I hope you take from it what you will. And if you don’t learn anything, at least you’ll get to know me better.  

Healthier & Happier 

If you’ve followed the Heartcheck Project, you would’ve read about the health challenges I experienced between 2019 and 2020. If you missed it, you can check it out here. At the start of 2021, I made a conscious effort to actively work on my health. What this meant for me was to first deal with the spiritual and mental challenges that weren’t allowing me to truly focus on my physical health: inner frustrations, pent up anger, painful betrayals, unspoken truths, toxic positivity, and more. I consider myself one of the early stoic travelers. My journey towards self-awareness began in the later parts of my teenage years, and over the years, I’ve travelled pretty deep inwards. However, there have been parts of my life that don’t serve me, but that I consciously held on to, out of choice. That’s a pretty toxic thing to do. To know that something doesn’t serve you, but to decide that it’s worth holding on to because it feeds your “human-ness.” Basically, I deleted these things from my fore-mind, but didn’t empty the bin. I kept them stored in the bin, should I ever need to pull them out as a reminder. In psychology, that’s called holding on to trauma. The people who made promises, failed, and walked away. The people who took and took, and gave nothing in return. The guilt of moments where I knew to say no, but I said yes. The times I chose what was presented to me as “the truth,” but wasn’t truth for me. The times when I chose other peoples’ needs and wants over mine. The times where I doubted God’s love for me. The anger from growing up fast, driven by ambition, and achieving fast to reinforce my super abilities and please family members.

2021 was a time where I did a spiritual arteriogram to uproot the deep seated issues that were causing shifts in my cells and making me physically ill. Just as with any healing journey, it’s still a work in progress, and it takes time to truly let it all go. In fact, I’ve recently found myself being triggered by certain people and situations that remind me of these things that I’m purging. It’s an interesting experience, because I have an out-of-body type experience, where I recognize my old self trying to hold on to things that should no longer have an effect on me. I’m growing, and I acknowledge the growth, and I’m comfortable with the fact that it’s gradual. 

The moment I started dealing with these things, I saw my health improve tremendously. Between 2019 and 2020, I was in and out of the hospital at least 30+ times. A year later, in 2021, I hardly visited the hospital - other than to do medical check ups, and twice for malaria. I have become much better with my nutrition, exercise, vitamins, and generally just listening to what my body is saying per time.

Listening to your body is a skill. It takes understanding your inner and outer self enough to see your patterns, and how you react to externalities. There will be people who may be great in the world, but aren’t good for you. Your body will tell you. There may be places that get everyone else excited, but are detrimental to you. Your body will tell you. There may be communities, platforms, and events that are popular, but drain your energy. Your body will tell you. There may be jobs and opportunities, with so much potential that make you want to contribute your energy, but do not serve you in return. Your body will tell you. I’m not yet in the best shape of my life. But I’m definitely making progress, and I love it. If on the way, I erroneously choose something, someone, somewhere, that isn’t good for me….best believe that I’m already mapping my journey out of that situation. I hope you do the same because all the dreams in the world mean nothing if you don’t have the energy to pursue them. 

Breaking Winning Streaks

In 2020, while we were all trying to adapt to the COVID-19 pandemic, your girl kicked major a$$. Even when my health was suffering, I was like Usain Bolt on steroids. I spoke at 25+ virtual and physical events. I ran bootcamps and mentorship programs. I was churning out YouTube videos. I worked on several client brand projects. My social media content game was 100. My podcast ranked in the top 10 in Nigeria, top 50 and 100 in various African countries. It was like “Catch me if you can!” - I was “thriving.”

At the start of 2021, with my health picking up and me feeling more energized, I decided that I’d take a chill pill and break my winning streaks by myself. It sounded crazy, because if you know how the world algorithms work, the more you do, the better your chances of hitting your goals - especially when it comes to content. You don’t break a winning streak, you strategize to sustain and improve the streak. Thats what winners do. But not me. I intentionally broke my winning streak, and decided that whatever was going to happen would happen, and I’ll stay alive. In April, I took time off and travelled to my other homeland, the beautiful island of Sri Lanka to rest, and clear my head. I didn’t realize how much I needed that trip, until I arrived at my resort where I spent weeks just sleeping, eating, taking long walks, journaling, and sleeping some more. I thought that the trip might make me want to do more when I return back to Nigeria. It didn’t. It made me want to live on an island - yes. And we know that it’s not a cheap lifestyle to have. However, I decided to remain in my chill zone and take things a day at a time. My business partner and I resolved to only taking up a handful of clients throughout the year, and serving them to the best of our ability - saying NO to exciting brands, projects, and people, and saying YES to our individual and collective growth. If you follow my life closely on social media, it’s probably difficult to reconcile this story with the many things that you’ve seen me achieve this past year. But trust me, it’s nothing in comparison to previous years. My biggest and best achievement in 2021 was self-love, self-appreciation, and stripping myself from the grind of ambition. I’m still super ambitious, but I now know how to navigate it in such a way that it serves my personal needs and wants. 

“Man Down”, but “Man Up”

The last quarter of 2021 was tough on my mental health. I experienced a lot of loss and grief in such a short period of time. I lost friends to Covid, and other health issues, and at some point it felt like I couldn’t catch a break. Each time I was starting to come out of the funk of losing someone, I was hit with another death, and another, and another. If it wasn’t a death that directly affected me, it was a friend’s family member. If it wasn’t death, it was bad news. Q4 was painful, and it stretched me in many ways. In those times, I whispered… “man down,” and the Holy Spirit whispered…“man up.” Reminding me that the devil didn’t take these people. No, sir. He took these people to be with Him, because they had fulfilled His purpose for their lives, and they needed to rest with Him. It’s not the most popular way of thinking about death. If you’re a Christian, you’ve probably been taught to believe that the devil is the one who takes good people. I believe different. I believe that there’s an army of angels hovering around me, and this army includes my friends who left us in the last quarter. It’s also significant that it was a last quarter. 

Chapter Closed, Chapter Opened

After 3 years of hearings, mediations, and the Nigerian court system, my marriage was finally dissolved and I received my divorce certificate. Phew! It was one heck of a journey. 3 years is a long time to feel in limbo, knowing that you’re separated but not having concluded legal matters. Some days I had to be in court at 8am, and that meant leaving my home at 5.30am so I could be there on time to meet with my lawyer. I would sit through hours of court cases until my case came up. Sometimes after sitting for long, the case would be adjourned, and we’d need to return again and again. You would have thought that it would be a simple process, considering that my ex and I had sat with our lawyers and had preliminary agreements in place for the court to execute upon. But…we had one primary challenge - a judge that did not agree that our reason for divorce was valid. According to the Nigerian law, there are specific grounds for divorce, and these are mostly around adultery, desertion, refusal to consummate the marriage, criminal convictions, one spouse absent enough to be presumed dead, etc. The reason we presented in court was…wait for it… “our values are not aligned.” You can’t imagine the look on the judge’s face when he read that. He blurted out, “What does this even mean??!” At first I thought it was a joke, and it would be considered as grounds for divorce. I was wrong.

We spent the next couple of months trying to convince the judge that we really didn’t want to be together. Sitting through the many other divorce cases that I witnessed, I could understand why ours was foreign to the court. In those cases, the spouses would verbally and emotionally attack each other. People were fighting over custody rights, property rights, etc…narrating personal stories to gain advantage in court. And here I was standing in the booth being grilled by the judge to tell him all the intricate details of my issues with my ex, and I refused. I said to the judge, “Your honor, I know that it’s easier for me to stand here, and tell you all the things that happened within our marriage. I know it will make the process easier. However, I don’t think it’s necessary for either of us. I also don’t want our kid to have to read these things in future - they’re not important to what we’re requesting at this stage. Our values aren’t aligned, and we’ve decided to go our separate ways, and wish each other the best.” The judge impatiently screamed, “Miss, Ma’am, sorry, but you still haven’t said anything. Your request doesn’t make sense, and I’m not approving it. Come back when you have something more concrete.” This story is long, but I’ll cut it short and say, we finally stated additional reasons to help us get through the tough court process. While we were in the process of doing this, the courts went on strike, #endsars happened, and the court we were using was one of the affected buildings that was burnt. Then the judge travelled for a long while, and the case went quiet again. Thankfully, my uncle stepped in to facilitate the process to a close. My divorce certificate arrived on September 10th - 2 days before my 35th birthday. If that isn’t significant of the NEXT LEVEL of my life, I don’t know what to tell you. After 3 years, Chapter Closed. Journeying towards effective, peaceful co-parenting opened. So far, so good. 

Same Mission, Varying Profession

In October of this year, I had worked briefly on a production event. I wasn’t working directly on the project, but I had a client who was directly involved and it was my job to support them on site. I had taken a photo at the site, and I captioned it “I miss working in production.” For those of you who don’t know, when I first moved back to Nigeria 12 years ago, the majority of my work was in event and TV production. I worked as project manager on the Idols, Got Talent, and The X Factor franchises in Nigeria. I also worked on many international and local events either as a project manager or as a content director. Eventually, I started up a production company with a close friend of mine, and it didn’t quite work out as I had envisioned it, so I opted out to save our friendship. I’m glad that I did at the time - times and seasons. I’ve watched her go on to build something amazing with that company and I’m proud to have worked with her as a co-producer on an award winning show.

Sometime in 2013, I had an opportunity to form a 360 degree media company with a few people. We had sat down, and planned out this company and the things we were going to do in the “future,” The company was registered with me as a shareholder, and we were excited to grow what would become the biggest media company out of Africa. We commenced work together, and it was a solid experience navigating the business and creative sides of the company, and working our way through ideas that we had. I mostly worked on the ideation and content side of things, but I was also exposed to various parts of the business side of things. At some point, life took its course and I took a walk. You’re probably wondering to yourself why I keep walking. Let’s just say that I’m very sensitive to energy, and my role in any given situation per time. I’m not one to hold on to things that are not meant for me in a particular season. Plus, I like my peace, and sometimes that means throwing a salute and marching on. Fast forward to 2021, I was called to re-join this company within specific terms and timelines - more as a pillar/support structure to birth where the eagle is flying next. This is how my 2021 ended. It moved me back into doing some work in media production, and I can tell you that I’m still adjusting to that life. Of course, I'm still actively working across other industries that I’m passionate about - especially in personal development, and edu-tech. But I’m also learning to be open to where God wants me to serve per time. I view this current role as service. Mine is to show up for the time period as I am led to serve, and let God figure out what He wants to do with my presence there. My mission as a dream interpreter is the same - to help people take decisive action to get their best selves and best work out into the world. My profession may vary per time, per serving ground. In this current role, I’m contributing to the interpretation of a dream. 

Emergency Room Music

I grew up listening to conscious Hip Hop and Rap music. My brother was a Hip Hop head, and he jammed every conscious rapper you can think about from Mos Def, to Talib Kweli, 2Pac, Biggie, KRS-One, Goodie Mob, Public Enemy, MC Lyte, Wu-Tang Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, Common - name it, he had it on cassette tape (if you’re Gen Z, you may need to google this)! I grew up listening to lyrics, and rapping along. I’ve always been a rapper in my head. The music never left me, but it never went past my bedroom. The truth is, I’ve always known that I’m a really solid songwriter, but I’ve never felt like I was a good rapper - especially in comparison to all the new school rap - these guys be rhyming with melody and harmony yo! I’m just here trying to tell a story and rhyme my words.

A few years ago, I decided that I’d start writing Psalms like David in the Bible. I still think it’s crazy that his claim to fame was killing Goliath, and rising to become a king. The guy was such a powerful psalmist. Maybe he came back as Davido - #JustSaying. I digress, but thank you if you laughed (I might be able to add comedian to my list of gifts). In 2018, I put out my first single “Light of The World,” featuring the super talented singer & guitarist, Phrance. The feedback from that song was so powerful, that I knew that I needed to get more of these messages out using music as the medium. In 2019, I went into the studio with my friend, Phishaman, and we birthed a collaborative EP titled “AMP”- Abundance, Manifest, Purpose. People still send me messages about how much the music on that album has blessed them. At first, I didn’t share it as much, because I didn’t think that my rap skills on there were great. Later on, I started sharing it more because I knew that the message was more important than the delivery.

In December 2021, I dropped my first official album titled “Heart Check”. I haven’t really had the time or promotional budget to push the album in the way that I would love to. However, I’m really blessed by the messages I receive from those who are listening to it over and over again. It’s one of those albums that everyone should listen from start to end at least twice (ideally, more times) before starting this new year. It is healing. It is prophecy. It is encouragement. It is light. I call it Emergency Room music because it is filled with lifelines for the soul. If there’s anything I’ve learned about God, it is that He’s an on time. I didn’t want to sit on the music until I had all the promotional aspects covered - I put it out into the world, because I know that people need to hear it NOW. And also I know how God works - it will be discovered by millions of people at the right time.

If you’ve listened to the album, I’d absolutely love to hear how it impacted you. Your testimony is very helpful to me!

Building Connections 

In 2021, I connected with new people, and I reconnected with some old friends too. I’m really big on community - physical and online. I believe in the power of connection, and sense of belonging. I think this is a part of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs that is often underrated and underdeveloped by most people. People are afraid to form deep connections because those relationships require vulnerability, commitment, open-mindedness, honesty, holding space, and many of the things that expose our human side. It’s easier to be robotic. I know this. In fact, I’m the queen of deflecting. I share a lot of my stories in writing, and via social media. However, in my close friendships, I’m the person who will listen to my friends talk about themselves and join them in those conversations, without talking about myself. If I speak about myself, it’s mostly on the surface. There are very few people in this world that experience the deepest levels of me. The people who have signed agreements stating that if they were ever on an electric chair, and asked to reveal the deepest parts of Adaora, they would choose electrocution. Yeah. Those people. If you’re reading this, you know yourselves. 

In the past year, I shared more of myself with new friends. I opened myself up, and let people into my personal space. Listen guys, I’m a virgo, and also an Enneagram 2, and I’m super obsessive compulsive about many things, AND I still let people into my personal space. Somebody shout, “Hallelujah!”

This year, I plan to go deeper into these connections, and also build upon some new friendships that I started last year. Some of which were occasional instagram DM’s, meeting people in my community, friends of friends, networks, etc. I can be a social butterfly, but I’m also super intentional about the people I call friends. Friendship is not a joke or status to me. It is a choice and commitment to love those who I call “friend,” through their good, and not-so-good times. Something that I consider a gift. 

Parent Goals 

My parents are one of the most important parts of my life. They’re a major priority for me, and over the years I have become more intentional about showing them how much they mean to me. I am grateful for the unconditional love they show me. I am grateful for the sacrifices they’ve made for me. I’m grateful for who they’re becoming. I’m grateful that I even get to have both of them here with me on this journey. My parents are a once-in-a-lifetime gift. I talk about them a lot, and I don’t mean to brag, but my folks are pretty dope! We don’t align on some things, but the way that they go above and beyond to love me, is one for the books.

I’ve always had a mindset where I’ve mapped out a life that I want my parents to live, and I’m actively working towards it. The past year has shown me that while I want these beautiful things for them, there’s no guarantee how long they’ll be here. Heck…there’s no guarantee how long I’ll be here. So, I’ve started to give them what I can in these times. I spent last year documenting their lives - asking them questions, listening to their stories, writing out their stories, scouting through old photos, taking new photos, reliving old memories, and making new memories with them. I took up interior design projects in their home. I bought them gifts. I gave them random hugs, sent messages of love, and just made them truly feel the appreciation that I have for them.

In this new year, I’m carving out a monthly date night where I’ll get to take them out for dinner and just catch up on their lives - how they’re feeling, what they envision for the rest of their lives…just vibe and chill. I’ll also be recording their voice on personal podcasts that their grand kids can listen to in future. 

A 6-Year-Old Friendship

My son is the 6-Year-Old friend that I never knew I needed. He turns 7 next month, and I can’t believe how fast he’s growing. Many times, I feel like he’s an old man in a kid’s body - I know that many parents say that about their kids, but I honestly believe that my son was sent to this earth to teach me lessons that I didn’t know I needed to learn. I’m not gonna lie, it’s really hard to parent a child that is so full of wisdom, and boldness. His courage and boldness can be overwhelming, because on one hand I want to handle him like the kid that he is; on the other hand I never want to quench his expressiveness and his quest for knowledge. He asks a billion-and-one questions, and if he doesn’t get an answer, best believe he is going to wikipedia it till he gets all the details. He is a mix of his mother and his father. This means that there are aspects of my personality that he has, and makes me wonder how my parents dealt with raising me. I can see why my teachers hit me a lot in high school - I never just accepted things without questioning them, and they hated it. In Nigerian schools, you don’t question - you just cram the information, and spit it out. Not me. I wasn’t that child, and my parents put me in a school system that didn’t appreciate questions and exploration. It got me in trouble a lot. I’m glad that my kid is growing up in a different world, one in which he can express more of him. But there are still many constraints in the environment we live in, and I’m having to help him navigate that. Phew!

The other part of his personality that is also a work in progress, he definitely gets from his father. Of course I’m not going to share about this. But as I said.. the boy was brought into this world to teach me many things about myself. Beyond being his mother, he also offers me the gift of friendship - one that I am honored to experience with him. Some days we talk about music, tech, movies, and all the fun stuff that friends talk about. Other days we talk about his emotions, how he feels, what his worries are, what makes him happy, what makes him sad. One day he requested to have an official meeting with me, and in this moment he expressed how he feels anger, and why he feels that anger, and how afraid he is about that feeling. We talked through it, and we talked about how to manage it. That’s not a conversation that you’d think a 6-year-old should be having. But A is special. The way he articulates these things is amazing to watch. It makes me happy, but also makes me nervous sometimes, because as a parent, I don’t get to just deal with a happy-go-lucky child. I get to deal with a child with real emotions, growing self-awareness, and relationships. A child who trusts me to help him navigate these things that he experiences, and feels. A child who knows it in his core, that even though his parents don’t live together, his parents absolutely love him with everything in them, and that he gets to choose love and wholeness because he can. It’s a journey that we’re on, and the boy is a love agent, and I can’t wait to see all that he becomes. 

The Contradiction of Help

I’m a teacher by nature. Teaching comes naturally to me. I tend to want to see the best in people, and I pull out the best in them if they let me. It’s a beautiful gift to have, but it’s also a dicey one, because sometimes people want my help, but don’t always want me to pull out the parts of them that they’ve refused to deal with. It’s a comfort zone for many. This is something that I’ve had to learn to navigate. If you’re anything like me, you can quickly become obsessed with solving problems that don’t require your energy. Even worse, you can find yourself trying to solve problems that nobody invited you into. It’s hard to hear it, but you are not required to solve every issue that comes your way, and I’ve had to learn this the hard way. It’s hard to believe that in your quest to help someone heal, you hurt them. For me, that’s one of the toughest things to believe. I’m a teacher, I’m a helper, I’m light, I heal, I don’t intentionally hurt. Hurt doesn’t need to be intentional to be hurt. I’ve hurt people in moments where I thought that I was helping them through a challenge, an emotion, a toxic character trait that they were holding on to. The hurt has happened as a result of wrong timing. I always say there’s a time and season for everything. If you rip off a bandage from someone’s wound, and they’re not ready for a deep excavation - a life changing ‘surgery,’ then all you’ve done is that you’ve exposed their wound. To you, you’ve exposed a pain that they can work through healing on, but to them, you’ve caused excruciating pain, and opened up a wound that they have no idea where to start from to deal with.

I’ve now become extra careful about how I interact with people who come to me for help. Or people who have opened up their lives for me to play the role of teacher, coach, etc. When someone comes to me with a problem, I ask the questions - “What do you want from me? Do you want a space for you to vent? Do you want me to just listen, and hold space? Do you want me to proffer a solution? Do you want me to help you through this?” Before I speak a word, I want to understand the intention. Some people aren’t ready to fix things. Sometimes they just need to vent, and that’s okay too. I’ve become less resentful towards the people who I’ve worked with, who are not ready to solve their problems. I understand it, and I accept that they will get there in their own time, through their own experiences, and perhaps I’m not the one to go there with them. 

Kingmaker Identity

I’m a kingmaker. It is a role that took me a long time to accept. It is a role that I have only become comfortable with in recent times. Throughout my life, I have been a pillar, a conduit, a spring board to destinies. I have walked into people’s lives, and God has used me as a vessel in those times to propel them into their next level. Sometimes its through the skillsets that I have, other times it’s through the words that I speak to them, and other times it’s through the people that I introduce to them/the people that they meet through me. I am a pipe, who is connected to an ocean full of blessings and gifts for this world. It sounds like a proud gift to have, and it is. But it’s also a tough place to be, because I’ve dealt with wanting to be King.

Being a kingmaker is hard, and many times the kings that are birthed through me, go on to rule kingdoms and take territories, and there’s times where I wonder if they are aware of the role that I’ve played in their dynamics. I wish I could say that I am selfless. But I’m not. Sometimes I want to hear it, I want to feel it, and I want them to be honest about my role in their life. There are those who tell me all the time, and I appreciate that a lot. There are those who show me through public appreciation. There are those who have shown up for me materially in some seasons. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am a kingmaker, who is focused on serving….yes, and that it’s also okay to ask for my flowers! It doesn’t need to be one or the other. I can be selfless AND want to be appreciated. That’s okay. 

Unicorn Dreams

I recently shared a post where I said that I’m not just building a unicorn, I AM A UNICORN. I meant it, and I felt it in my deepest soul. I am a Unicorn, with beautiful, colorful unicorn dreams. In this past year, I have allowed myself to vision things that I wouldn’t have dared in the past, for the existence of multiple fears. Not anymore though. My dreams are made up of Pinterest pins, visions, and realities that I can see - a life that I’m crafting for myself and those who God brings into my space. A life that is filled with love, opportunities, potential, growth, support, community, did I say LOVE? - a ton of love. Sweet dreams are made of this. There’s so much of my life that is unfolding day by day, and I’m in awe seeing who I’m becoming - this person that I didn’t know was waiting for me to be kind and patient with them. This person who was underneath all that ambition and entrepreneurial drive. This person that is made of cells and a DNA that is deeply rooted in everything that Jesus stood for in this world - a misfit that truly understood his Father, and expressed his Father even at the times where his message was confusing, or misunderstood.

I’m building a unicorn, and I AM A UNICORN. 

Finally, embracing the AND

For the past 35 years of my life, I have existed in a world that is heavily built on the idea of “this” OR “that.” You either choose service or riches. You either believe the bible 100% or you’re not Christian. You’re either a doctor or a lawyer. You believe in marriage or you’re single. You agree with person A or you don’t. The idea of the OR is the path of least resistance. It’s the easier road to travel. It’s what keeps order in the world, but also what causes the chaos. It’s the comfort-zone of humanity.

I choose to embrace the AND. To choose service AND wealth. To practice Christianity and not agree with some aspects of the Bible 100%. To be a teacher, a brand developer, a storyteller, a writer, a speaker, a coach, an entrepreneur, AND many other things. To be a mother, and a friend. To be a daughter, and a friend. To be believe in marriage, partnership, AND be single. To agree with person A and disagree with them on some things. I can be experiencing progress AND grief. To give AND take. I’m embracing the AND, and you should too. 

Happy New Year to you again! I pray for a wonderful year ahead, one where you truly BECOME. 

Peace & Love, 

x. Lumina

Ps: If you enjoyed reading this letter, and you think that your friends should be part of our letter community this year, can I ask that you please get them to subscribe. Let’s learn and grow together.