5 Growth Lessons From 2022

Commit yourself to a life of growth, and watch your life change from the inside-out.

At the beginning of this year, I shared a post titled On Unicorn Dreams (if you haven’t read it, you should before you read this). I love that I journal my thoughts, feelings, and experiences - because I can go back to them and evaluate how I felt a year ago, where I am now, what worked/didn’t work, areas of improvement etc.  In no particular order, here are some of my 2022 ruminations:

1. We are walking contradictions.

For the most part, in my personal life, I’ve considered myself somewhat hyper-independent. In my professional life, I’m interdependent and I’m a sucker for collaboration - absolutely love it. A few years ago, I read an article that talked about how hyper-independence is a trauma response to something that happened on a person’s journey that caused them to mistrust others. Even though I didn’t think this was the case for me, I thought to introspect deeply with the hope to unearth the root cause of this intriguing trait that I carry. As I explored this journey of deep excavation, I realized that it wasn’t about my childhood or a particular incident at all. It was simply choice. I mean, it’s possible that there’s a particular moment hiding somewhere in my unconsciousness - if it ever comes to my awareness, I may reconsider this idea. But I truly believe that my hyper-independence comes from a place of choice. Anyway, this isn’t the story. Here’s what I really want to share…

For most people who are on a growth journey, whenever we identify a trait that causes discomfort in how we integrate with others, we introspect to try and figure out where it comes from and how we can change it. I have found that I don’t always have to change something that makes other people uncomfortable, especially where it’s something that I find full comfort in, ie. a trait that helps me do my mission work, or just enjoy my life. For example, as much as I can be extroverted and high energy, I also love my solitude. Some years ago, I considered becoming a spiritual monk and going to live in the mountains. I’ve also considered moving to another country and starting again as a hermit. On the flip side, I also enjoy interacting with people, being on stage, doing the great work that I do. I say that I practice introversion or extroversion depending on the particular situation. I am one of those people who would totally thrive in solitude. It’s so ironic because one of the things that I teach is the importance of connection. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs considers connection as a prerequisite for survival - physically and emotionally. We need social connections. We need a sense of belonging. We need community. I preach the power of community. So, does this mean that I’m confused? Absolutely not. I’m human. This is one of the beautiful things about our humanity - we are all walking contradictions. I always talk about "embracing the AND.” This is how I’ve resolved this matter - I am hyper independent, I love my solitude, AND I also believe in connection and community. Sometimes I’m on one end of the spectrum, and sometimes it’s the other end - it’s a rainbow.

Here’s the lesson I want you to take out of this:

Lifelong learning is not about acquiring knowledge, new ideas, terminology, or experiences. Lifelong learning is making sure that this knowledge that you acquire is distilled in such a way that you only ingest what is good for your system. Because for every time you deep dive into a subject matter, you open up your system to receiving new code that can alter the programming on which your CPU - your mind is running on. And if you don’t manage this process end-to-end, you’ll end up confused. It’s not black or white - there’s grey areas and you must embrace that. Be comfortable with being a walking contradiction. Don’t be so busy trying to integrate with others, that you forget that they also need to find ways to integrate with you! Some teachers say, we shouldn’t resign to, “This is how I am - deal with it.” But I say, if that’s who you are, let them deal with it or exit. As long as the trait in question is not something that is harmful to your spirit.

2. The only thing constant is change.  

If you read my 2021 round up letter, I shared that I had started working with a company in which I was involved with at the founding stage. In August this year, I decided to leave. I believe that my purpose was fulfilled within the 1-year time frame that I was there - there’s a long list of things that I learned from the experience. However, I’m going to share just ONE that I think is important: 

Know when to start, and when to stop.

I’ve always been an intuitive person, and I tend to make decisions from my core spirit being. Sometimes these decisions may seem irrational to others, but I know where they come from. When I chose to join this organization and contribute to their journey, it was a clear prompt and I knew that I needed to do it in obedience, and see where it led. I had given myself one year to see how it all unfolded. When it was time to stop working at this company, I knew that my time there was up, and that staying any longer would lead to chaos. If I apply logic, I honestly do not think that it was a good decision to have joined in the first place, but I had a  deep conviction that it needed to be done. That’s been the story of my life. I think that when you’re committed to living life from a place of service to yourself, to others, to missions, etc., you will find yourself in situations that sometimes seem unusual, in which you feel convicted to serve. There are people who I met on this journey whose lives needed to intersect with mine. I saw broken spirits find newness and confidence; I showed up to encourage people to hope and dream again; I participated in birthing new visions; My decisions provided a door way to financial stability for some people. In hindsight, the opportunity was not for me. It was for others. The moment that I needed to stop, I didn’t hesitate. I knew. I took a deep breath. I released my attachment. I resigned. Four months later - I’m thriving. 

There are many people who don’t know when to stop. There are also people who know that they should stop, but do not have the courage to do so. There are people who believe that they can’t stop because they’ve dug too deep. It’s like a drug addiction.

Maybe you’re in a friendship, a relationship, a work environment, a place, a project, that you started and you’ve found yourself in what feels like an unending loop of unconsciousness. You know you should stop, but you keep going. I hope that this reminds you of your super power - change. The only thing constant is change. 

3. Your personal brand is a Key. But your anointing is the Master Key. 

Every day there’s an article, a course, a promotional advert, urging you to invest in your personal branding. So you’ve told yourself that in 2023 you’re going to do everything it takes to ensure that your personal brand is out there. But do you really understand your WHY, or are you moving from a place of the fear of being left behind?

I’m a brand strategist by profession, so I can tell you all the reasons why personal branding is an important key to success, especially in this current world. It’s important to position yourself to stand forward to be seen and chosen. I get that. By all means invest in your personal branding, but here’s 3 things to keep in mind as you do this: 

i. Your brand is your promise

You’ve probably heard brand experts say, “Your brand is not who you think you are, it is who people believe that you are.” This is a very strong idea to consider. Of course some people are going to be flawed in their thoughts about you. But the point is, as a brand there’s a promise that you make to people consciously or unconsciously. Eg. You may state that you’re a compassionate person, someone who cares about others, someone who takes risks, etc. However in other peoples interactions with you, they would say you’re the complete opposite of what you propagate.

It’s easier to craft a brand positioning strategy for an organization, product, or idea, and stick to it in a way that it becomes believable. It’s really hard to do the same for a personal brand, because there’s a human directly involved in the interaction. A flawed human. The key is to be your most authentic self. To promise only what you can fulfill right now (not what you think you can fulfill or what you plan to fulfill tomorrow). Who are you right now ? Can this version of you fulfill this promise that you’re making to people ? If not, it’s an integrity risk = Operation Abort Mission!

This doesn’t mean that you need to wait for the highest version of yourself before you can build out or share a personal brand. It just means that you need to introspect and see what is authentically you, and then work with that for now. Don’t promote values that aren’t you. Maybe your values aren’t love, or compassion, or ambition, or vision, or service. etc.  Maybe it’s time management, or social networking, or competition, etc. maybe it’s some of this and some of that. It never has to be one or the other - it is simply what is most real for you. 

Now the intricate part to consider in all of this is that as humans, we evolve as we grow. And as you evolve, it’s important to share any changes in your belief system, ideologies, character, etc. It will help the people in your community trust you even more because they can better understand where you are per time. Share the process, the journey.

ii. Storytelling is power. 

More than personal branding, I believe in the power of storytelling. We all have stories. In fact, we are all walking stories. I often say that you are the protagonist of your story. While your creator may have mapped out the structure of the book, and laid out the table of contents, YOU get to write the chapters in the book. It reminds me of the Goosebumps books that I read as a kid. The author would ask the reader a question and depending on what you picked, it would ask you to jump to a different page within the book to continue the story. You had the option to decide how you wanted the story to go. The same applies in our lives. Everyday you’re writing a story in your life’s book. Some people wait till the end of the book before they share their story with the world. They want to see how it goes, so that they can share from a place of success. I believe that the real power in storytelling is the IMPACT that it makes in the lives of the people who intersect with you. It’s important to tell your story as you go along - to inspire, to encourage, to share knowledge/experience, and even for yourself - to be able to reflect on your journey. I always say that the best storytellers only know they’re great at storytelling when they start telling stories. You’ll find out by doing it. 

This is a great time to plug so here goes: I have a “Storytelling for Impact” workshop coming up on Saturday, January 28th, 2023. It’s a 5 hour physical workshop where we’ll deep dive into storytelling - what it is, why it’s important, and HOW you can tell better stories. Storytelling is simply a documentation of your life and I’ll be sharing principles that will help you do it more effectively. Plus you’ll get to workshop your brand (Personal or Business) with others. Wanna join us? Click this link to register. 

iii. You have a personal brand, now what? 

I have watched many people approach personal branding from the wrong place. They contemplate what type of brand attracts the most attention, and they strategically build out their personal brand to fit this. You start to believe that this brand you’ve created is everything. And when you think this way, you’ll go to any extent to fight for it - even if it takes you down an unhealthy path. This method of brand building can quickly create an identity problem. You can become confused about who you are. You can start to live out a false persona that you created. This persona is thriving, but what about you?

You see…in Christianity, there’s a spiritual ideology referred to as “anointing,” - it is when God’s favor is upon you. It does not require struggling for a position. If you’re anointed, it follows you anywhere that you go. I’m not sure who needs to read this today but: Your anointing is not on a personal brand that you create. Your anointing is on YOU. So stop building a personal brand that has your anointing confused like…who that?

In summary - Be authentically you. Make promises that you can keep. Tell your story. Impact the world.  

4. Overcommitting is a sin.

Sin is anything that is done in excess that is detrimental to your wellbeing - even if you think you’re doing it for a good reason. Many times we overcommit to people, places, events, projects, moments. In the process of trying to be there for everyone, we don’t prioritize our wellbeing and it ends up being detrimental to us in many ways. For someone like me who knows so many people who have various expectations of me, I tend to find myself overcommitting - whether it’s a hangout, a long phone call, showing up at an event, or a meeting, or a counseling session. I don’t always say “Yes,” because I learned that one a long time ago. However, even the few that I say “Yes,” to are sometimes too much for me to handle. So I decided at the end of this year that I will need to say more “No,” in the new year. If it’s not something that adds immense value to my pillars, or something that I really want to do, or people that I feel 100% myself with, I’m going to say, “No.”

I’m continuously explaining to friends about how exhausting it can be for me to attend to everyones’ needs. The interesting part is that whoever I’m telling this to believes that it only applies to others and not to them. So I end up in an endless loop of trying to make each person feel special. Then I deal with the result of not being mindful of my energy and time. In 2023, I will do better. My “NO,” will apply even to those who think it doesn’t apply to them - not because I love them any less, but because I need to conserve my energy to be able to make some power moves that are crucial to my journey. It will upset a few people, but I think we’ll all be fine. Because this girl needs to use what’s left of her youthful energy well.

5. On Trust…

This year, a close friend of mine betrayed my trust in a moment where it counted the most. At the time, I rationalized their choices and behavior because it was the easiest thing to do so that I didn’t feel bitter about it. Then I realized that I needed to see it for what it was - betrayed trust. I like to see the best in people, and so I can be the most patient friend because I’ll rationalize almost anything: “Oh, I’m sure that wasn’t their intention;” “Oh, they made the decision from a place of fear;” “Oh they’re just in an unconscious mind-space;” “Oh they probably don’t realize they did something wrong.” It’s one of the blindspots of my Enneagram number, and has got me into a few unfortunate situations. Over the past two years, I’ve done some growth work in this area, and now I can see a situation for what it is - whether intended or not. Instead of rationalizing it, I explore the alternate motives, eg. “They knew the damage that the choices they make would do to you, and they chose it anyway;” “Their progress is more important than their friendship with you;” “You may have similar values, but you’re clearly misaligned on this particular value;” It’s hurtful to sit through this, but it’s necessary. We love to use rose-tinted glasses when it comes to friendships. Friendships are beautiful, but they can also run their course/season, and it’s okay.

We always think that we need to cut people off. No you don’t. Sometimes instead of ex-ing them out, you can just change their position in your life and navigate accordingly. 

I was just about to type number 6, and then I realized that I titled this, “5 Growth Lessons from 2022.” I have many more lessons to share. I’ll share them in more of these letters throughout the new year! I missed writing to you, and in the words of an artist that I respect, “Hey world, I’m Back!”

Every month for the next 12 months, you will get a letter from me. This is my brand promise to you!

Peace & Love,

x

Lumina

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