I'm not going to panic.

Two weeks ago, I woke up to a message from a close friend of mine who’s handling the distribution for my music album. It was one of those messages that started with, “there’s some good news, and not so good news…” The summary was that we may lose all the data from my first single off the album, “All I Need,” - i.e. 10,000+ streams which we gathered organically, would disappear because of a challenge with our distribution platform. After sharing various options with me, my friend wanted to know what we should do. I inhaled deeply, let out a deep sigh, and said… “Let’s start again.” What followed was funny - She sent me 2 or 3 voice notes trying to understand how easy it was for me to decide to start again. She said, “Adaora, I need to know how you can just easily say that we should start again…that’s 10,000 + streams that grew organically. How can we start again???”

I once shared a story about how my laptop fell and hit the hard ground, and I picked it up and closed it like nothing had happened. Each time I share that story, people ask me, “HOW?!” The upside to this is that I have less anxiety about things outside of my control. The downside is that I can appear nonchalant about things that others consider high priority/urgent/important. Of course, I try to use emotional intelligence to navigate how I approach situations with others. But there are times where I come across as detached or annoying because I simply refuse to panic about something that seems like an obvious “must-panic moment.” I tell my family and friends to please not force me to react the same way that they do. It doesn’t mean that I care less about a situation. I’m simply protecting my energy at that moment, because when I panic, I can’t see solutions to problems - I simply spiral in a way that isn’t good for my well being. 

Today, I’m going to leave you with an excerpt from my book, This Thing Called Purpose. 

Detachment is the art of withdrawing desire from lesser things, letting them fall away, so as to harness their power to reach the heights of what a human being can attain. Detachment is not about not caring about something or someone. It is about releasing the worry, and the need to force things, but rather trusting that things will manifest as they should, and being open to how things unfold. Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you. It is knowing that there is a chance that things may not work out the way you plan, and this is totally fine. It is a willingness to accept the possibility of things going wrong, and see that our plans are not perfect. It is controlling yourself from the compulsion of owning things that you don’t even need. 

In my experience, detachment allowed me to be at peace irrespective of how things were going in my life. I stopped letting the things I feel passionate about dictate my mood, and my energy level. I stopped allowing third parties to control my feelings, and I was able to see more clearly and be more objective. I was also able to stop myself from taking everything personally, and seeking validation to the extent where my own opinions did not matter. I got rid of many of the prejudices and biases I had about the world. I stopped relying primarily on my work to provide meaning to my life. I got rid of my pride, admitted to what was not working. I humbled myself, and asked for help where I needed it. I removed my coping mechanisms, and stopped avoiding my feelings. I left my comfort zone, to step into a new life that seemed terrifying at the time. My “5 year plan” came crashing down, and I watched it go up in flames. 

You cannot always control outcomes. You can control the role that you play, and the choices that you make, however, the results are not always within your control. It’s like working on a team project, where you put in effort and do great work. You may have played your part, but you cannot control how your team members play theirs. Hence, the project can fail, not because it’s your fault, but because you are unable to control all the variables that lead to final results. As a business owner, I had to learn that I could do all the right things and play my part, but if my client doesn’t pay and it causes a ripple effect within my company, it isn’t my fault. It is my responsibility to manage it, but I had to understand that I could not control everything. 

Detachment is necessary. It teaches you that certainty is an illusion. When you let go of trying to control everything in your life, you open yourself up to making decisions from a place of wisdom and love, while operating at a higher level of productivity. If you attach your self worth to what you do, then you give people the power to control you. If you attach it to who you are, then you free yourself from what works and doesn’t work in your life. I often say that I am not my business, I am not the work that I do, I am not my bank account, I am  not my social media community, I am not my relationship, and I am not things. 

Take time out to look at your life. What are the areas where you have given up your power, and allowed fear to take over? Where do you need to detach? You have to detach, to align!

Ps: The good news is that we ended up not losing the data for All I Need. So… you see….my panic would have been a waste.