Honor Thyself: Buy the Lottery Ticket!

To honor yourself is simply to respect yourself, to fulfill an obligation to yourself, to have integrity towards yourself.

Ooooh…! Look who finally sent out their March letter! Earlier this month, I shared a creative manifesto that I wrote in 2011 titled, “Our Time: A Creative Revolution.” But that wasn’t my actual March letter. I delayed this letter because I had a message brewing in my spirit, and I didn’t want to release it prematurely. I needed to sit with it, action it, and then share (it be like that sometimes). Buckle up for this message, it’s going to be a ride. 

Disclaimer: You may feel different types of emotions as you read this - joy, sadness, excitement, envy, fear, worry, motivation, doubt, grief, gratitude, satisfaction, thrill, disappointment, gladness. Whatever you feel, I want you to make a note of it. If you feel multiple emotions, write that down too. When you hear a story, it’s important to catch the feelings that surface for you, they’re often an indication of your heart posture. There’s no right or wrong here - just how you feel. You can then dig deeper into it and see why you feel this way. This is an important part of personal transformation. For example, if you read this story and feel joyful, yet doubtful that it could apply to you - there’s a reason why you feel this way. If you read the story and feel fear, or envy, there’s a reason why. Again, it’s not right or wrong. But I think it’s important to share this before you proceed to the story, because I’m sharing my personal experience and I want you to take the lesson in whatever way it comes for you. In fact, I’d love for you to share with me what you took out of it:

or send me an email!

At the start of this year, I opened up a google doc and wrote “In 2023, I will….” and I filled in the things I will do personally and professionally this year. In previous years, I would have long lists of things I wanted to accomplish. This year, I decided that I’d keep it simple but also challenge myself to go out of my comfort zone to do things that really bring me alive. As I type this, I just said to myself that it’s crazy that I refer to doing the things which make me happy, as not being within my comfort zone. But that’s been my truth for many years. I have lived my life in service to others - to family, to my mission, to love, to my country/continent, to my friends, to my community, and even to strangers. In all of this, I have always found it tough to prioritize my own needs and wants. Earlier this year, I wrote a letter about being asked what I want to do - you should read it!

For context,  I’m an Enneagram type 2 personality and our guiding values are altruism, kindness, and reciprocity. On the other hand, E2’s often deny their own emotions and needs while prioritizing people. As I worked through my vision board for this year, I realized how hard it was to stay focused on what I want for myself, versus what I want to give others. I was able to articulate some of it, but struggled with HOW I was going to act on it. A question that my friend has often posed to me in the past year is, “how are you honoring you?”. The deeper I pondered on this, the clearer I’ve become about what honors me. It’s still a work in progress, and I’m getting more clarity each week, but it’s a necessary and important journey that I’m on. Some days are easier than others. You see…honoring myself isn’t just about doing things for myself, it’s also about honoring my boundaries, honoring my feelings, and integrity to myself. Sometimes it looks like a change of hairstyle. Sometimes it looks like canceling a hangout. Sometimes it’s not reaching out to someone even though they expect me to, because I too have needs and I too am dealing with stuff. Sometimes it looks like listening to what someone says to me, and believing them - versus trying to water it down for less impact on my heart just so that I can perceive them in a good light (I’m fond of doing this one). “Honoring thyself,” is not as simple as it seems - especially for a personality like mine. 

I decided that in Q1 of this year, I would push myself to do things that I wouldn’t normally do for me. I decided that I would be spontaneous, and I wouldn’t overthink to the point of indecisiveness/analysis paralysis. I decided that I would jump off the cliff and figure out how to fly. I’m calling it “child-like faith,” - the type of faith where I believe that I’m going to win. The faith where I look at the things around me and believe that it’s all working for my good. The faith where I’m not sure how it’s going to happen, but I KNOW it will. I’m sure you’re getting excited about this faith conversation. But here’s the catch (aka gbas gbos). You can have all the faith in the world, but you can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket. Read that again please. And again. And again. until it sinks in. This quote from Andy Gray is one of the most powerful phrases I have read. I know the crux of the message, but I’ve never really heard it in a way that I resonate with deeply - until I saw this phrase. YOU CAN’T WIN THE LOTTERY IF YOU DON’T BUY A TICKET. It knocked me out. 

You have all these dreams, hopes, aspirations, wants - for every one of these things there’s a ticket you have to get. And that ticket can be anything: a place you need to go, a person you need to see, a sacrifice you need to make, an opportunity you need to defer, a form you need to fill out, a purchase you need to make, an event you need to attend, etc. There’s a ticket. 

In the spirit of honoring myself, I want to share with you some of the tickets I’ve gotten for myself this year. While they’re personal, I’m sharing them with the hope that it sparks something inside of you to action your child-like faith. But first, what does it really mean to “honor?” (honour: for those of you who are cringing at my American spelling). To honor yourself is simply to respect yourself, to fulfill an obligation to yourself, to have integrity towards yourself. I need to mention that sometimes honoring yourself will intersect with honoring someone important to you. I find that sometimes when I honor someone that I really want to, I feel honored because it brings me great joy and pride - you’ll see examples of this as you read along. 

Spontaneously sending my mother on a trip.

In January, an opportunity showed up for me to go on a trip to the Middle East. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it at the time and so I turned it down. A few hours later, I decided that I would love for my mother to make the trip because she absolutely deserves it and I really wanted to give her a beautiful birthday gift, so I quickly arranged to pay for her ticket and logistics even before I asked about her availability. It was a crazy faith situation, but I made the deposit and then called her to say, “Hey Mom, I’m sending you on an all-expense paid trip!” She was confused, because it wasn’t something I had discussed or aligned with her schedule on, but she said “YES!” Last month, she went on the trip and had a wonderful time and it made me super happy. I honored my mother, and I honored myself.

The ticket ? literally purchasing the ticket without telling the recipient (this is risky FYI and I don’t advise it as they may be unavailable). 

Hosting two workshops in February

At the end of November, my business partner and I were making plans to launch a series of workshops in 2023. It was the end of the year, and people were shutting down for December 2022. We had the intention to host the workshops, but hadn’t put a timeline down because we figured that December might not be a great time to run a promotion for a learning workshop. One day my partner said, “Hey…let’s book the event space for the first week in February.” From my experience, most people only really kick off their year at the end of Feb, so I almost said, “Nah.. let’s wait.” Actually, I may have said that. But she insisted that we picked dates and booked the event space - so we did. We put the flier for the event out, and within less than a week our workshops had sold out and had a waiting list. We hosted our first #StorifyWorkshop and #ZLEADWorkshop (Stop reading - click the link to watch the videos, it’s important to this story), and they were successful by the KPI’s we had set. 

The ticket? Booking a space even though we hadn’t planned the events. 

Modifying my look

Sometime in February, I had told a friend that I didn’t feel like the year had really kicked off for me. I had been wanting to change up my style a bit, and I knew that it would require headspace to act on it. In the past, I would procrastinate until the energy for change would pass and I’d move on. I mean…my Instagram Explore page was filled with inspiration for the changes I was trying to make - it just shows how many times I scrolled through looking at people who have a similar style. In the spirit of honoring myself, I quickly booked an appointment to dye my hair, and get a new set of tattoos AND I showed up to the appointments. I went into my tattoo appointment planning to get three tatts - a text based one on my left arm, a band on my angle, and a text based one on my back. As I prepped for my session, I looked at my arm and said to the artist, “I feel like I really want to get this on my arm and not my ankle, but I’m not sure if that’s a decision to make right now.” He looked at me and said, “Yeah it’s a big decision. But I think you should do it if you want to.” I looked at my arm in the mirror multiple times, and had a flashback of all the concerns - what would my parents say? my clients? Nigerian police harassment? The more I looked in the mirror, the more my brain said, “Yeah.. get it on your ankle.” I turned to my artist and was about to say, “Yeah.. let’s do the ankle,” but my mouth blurted out: “Let’s do it on the arm.” Lol. That’s what my spirit and heart really wanted. So I did it, and now I’m glad - because I feel like it is soooooo me! 

The ticket ? Booking the appointments.

Buying a new car

I had told myself that I was going to change my car at the end of this year. It was on my “to prioritize” list - I really needed a new car, and I had kept pushing it off as a “to-do-later” thing. Then about a week and a half ago, an opportunity showed up for me to purchase a car that I wanted. I wasn’t ready to get it, so my brain kicked in to say, “Wait till the end of the year as you’ve planned.” I was meant to go and check out the car, but I delayed it for a full week because I didn’t plan to get it now. Last week, as I dropped my kid at school, I decided to go and check the car out. I told myself that I was just going to check it out with child-like faith. So I drove right to the location where the car was and decided to test drive this new car. As I drove it around, I knew it was my car. It’s hard to explain it but I just knew. Unfortunately, I cannot share details of the activities that ensued afterwards to manifest this car as my reality - as they are private to me. But the testimony is insane. It’s one of those stories that will leave your mouth agape. Let’s just say, I drove the car home and now own it. 

The ticket ? Showing up to see the car, even though it wasn’t in my Q1 financial plan.

Grant Applications & Sponsorship requests

One of our priorities this year at Lumination is to raise external funding. Our business has been self-funded so far and as we try to scale our impact, we realized that we need to raise funds. Last year, we talked about this a lot and we set up several meetings that didn’t yield much success. However, these meetings became a catalyst for us to continue building. The truth is that it’s not as easy to raise funds for an education and impact-led business. If we were a fintech or a business that is easily understood,  it may be easier. But we’re building something that isn’t considered “quick money,” for investors, and that’s okay. This year we decided to actively apply for grants, and reach out to our network for sponsorships. In the past 2 months, we have applied for a few impact funds. If you know anything about these grant applications - they’re intense. They require a ton of writing, financial projections, and in some cases videos. I even recorded the video for one of them on a day when I didn’t feel my best, but I did it anyway! I’ve also been investing a lot of time sending out our sponsorship decks and connecting with people in my network to see how they can support our work with teenagers. This testimony is still in progress, but you’ll hear about it when it happens. 

The ticket ? Filling out forms, applications, and sending out emails. 

Personal Holiday

One of the things on my, “In 2023, I will….” google doc is “travel to a minimum of 5 interesting places this year.” I’ve financially committed to two travel trips already - I haven't figured out the cost of logistics for these trips, but my ticket is booked for one, and logistics for the other with child-like faith. I figured I’d sort out the rest later. For now, all I need to know is that I’m going.

The ticket ? Clear decision and financial investment. 

A few weeks ago, I said to my friend that I had come to the realization that I am the one that I’ve needed all this while. I said, “Adaora…you are who you’ve always needed.” This was coming from a place where I have subconsciously waited for others to do for me what I do for others. I wrote a bit about this in my letter titled,“Your life has a script.” I shared about this from a place where I’m usually the one being of service to others, giving to them, nurturing their gifts and talents, wanting them to succeed. While I am not resentful about this, I’ve just always thought that it would be nice for someone or people to make a conscious decision to nurture my own gifts, and skills, and talents in a way that prioritizes this mission/vision that God has given to me. I have always known that I need to set things in motion myself - this is something I’ve previously understood, and practiced. However, in the past few years I have found myself sometimes complacent when it concerns me. I’m not the same when it comes to my business, or my work. But when it comes to me as a person, I have been. In the spirit of honesty, I know where it comes from - it is a story I have told myself over time, until it manifested as resistance.

I have sometimes found myself frustrated at not having a midwife, in the way that I mid-wife other people’s gifts. I have had people indicate in passing that they would love to mid-wife my vision, but it has all just been passing comments without focused action. I have wondered if it’s because people always assume that I can handle it myself. I have had people say, “Oh yeah, I’ll support you.” “Oh yeah, I’ll give you xyz,” “Oh yeah, I’ll sort that out,” “Oh, I’ll be your accountability.” But I have experienced a lack of action. The truth is that I am built to be on the move. I am built to continue in spite of all odds. It is the way I’m built. After I voice a challenge I have…I can tend to keep moving regardless of the challenge - so I can see how it may make people wonder if I really need the help. I do, and I ask. But maybe I don’t chase hard. I will say though that I have had some wonderful people on my life’s journey - so this is not me saying I have had zero support.

If there is anything the past 3 months have shown me, it is that I am the one that I’ve always needed. I am the one to move the needle. As I move the needle, the right people who are meant to journey with me will show up in various capacities, not because they want to help me out, but because they too are moving the needle on their ends and our journeys intersect towards a common goal.

God is teaching me a lot this year, and if Q1 is anything to go by, it’s going to be an interesting year filled with lessons and growth - because as my mother says, “You can’t take the message without the mess.” All these messy feelings are important for growth. What you do with these feelings matters. It gets messy, then it gets better and better, and better. 

So my dear friend, it goes without saying that my mantra for this year is, “Honor Thyself.” In the spirit of embracing the AND, we are going to Honor God. AND ourselves, AND others. And the way that we’re doing it this year is to buy the lottery ticket. Do we have a deal?

Ps: When you email me - let me know what ticket you’re buying this this coming month (April).

x

Lumina